to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize