If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize