So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
