He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
