I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
