fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
