I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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