thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
