Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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