I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
