This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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