Im at strip club and am horny
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Send help, water and tortillas.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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