Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
