just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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