Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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