I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
