Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
