i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
