just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
