Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
