Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
