Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize