All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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