at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize