life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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