my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
