Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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