my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
