I'm really into asian looking animals
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
