went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
