I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
