i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Randomize
