yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
