Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
