im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
