We won't sleep together?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize