So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
