we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
