Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
