WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
