Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
