ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
