Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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