am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
