I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
