Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I need a beard to bite.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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