Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize