At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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