i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
