Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
