also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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