she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
