He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
