gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
