I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
