I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
