Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
