Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
