Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
