Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
