Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
