I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
now i know why i became what i already was.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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