You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
