Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
