All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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