do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
