Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
